For my friends and family, this is the prayer that has
come to my heart tonight.....for our Shasta memorial.

From Wikipedia: A suncatcher or light catcher is a
small, stained glass piece that is hung indoors, so
that it "catches the light" from a nearby window.

SUNCATCHER

Dear God, suffer us our lament that we might
yet find and keep the love we have lost and
caused our hearts to break in two. I am so lonely.
I am lost. What once was a world I felt such joy and
peace in has become a slip-slide. I go to sleep at
night fearing for my life. The color of innocence has
been taken from me and sapped my spirit. What is not
black....is gray.

The life around me has become uncertain.

Like shifting sand, I am unsteady. I miss him so much.
He was my world. Now he is gone and I am so alone.
I feel like giving up. I feel so empty. Where is my
love? Where is he? How can I go on? The dark has
come into my heart and lives in the wound that......
that hurts so much every day. I loved him so much.
How can I go on?

Did you know my child, God? Time stood still that
moment she drew her last breath. I didn't want the
second hand to ever move again. I wanted to just hold
her in that instant of time and stay forever with her
in our arms, always safe and always ours, always alive
and always ours......and then I saw the hand click one
more time and she was gone. In an instant, our dreams
seemed to die and I heard cosmic glass shattering like
colliding stars........noooooooooooooo........
no, please, no.......not our girl.......no.......
tomorrow comes every day, erasing my smiling face and
replacing it with silver tears. She is gone.

I had a brother and a sister I grew up with. We
played together and as we grew, we made our dreams
together.....spoke of how we would have our own
families and children. Careers, campouts, picnics and
April showers was our dream. Then, the cancer came
and destroyed it all. Do you see me God? Do you pity
me? Do you? I do. I loved them so much. How do I
live as only half a person? We had what others could
not tear apart......we had each other. Sibling love.

Mom.......dad......I miss you both so much. I took so
much for granted. You were supposed to live forever.
Supposed to live......at least long enough for me to
prove to you that I had become the child, the man, the
woman that you taught me to believe I could
become.......I'm afraid. When you visited me in
prison, it was your unconditional love that became so
clear to me.......there are many prisons dad......
so many prisons......how could I become free only to
watch you die? How could I not save mom from drinking
herself to death?

These are but a few of the pains and losses which have
scarred our hearts and challenged us to live again...
without our parents, without our lovers, without our
children, without our brother and sisters.....and
tonight we pray for redemption. For love, we pray.

These are but a few of the questions that tear at us
every day......since we lost the ones we loved.

And my life began anew with a few remembered words.
Do not forget me father! Take David to Disneyland.
Forgive those who wronged me. In these few words,
these few commands......lie my salvation. What common
denominator did these have?

Why, only one simple thing. Love.

Love, nothing less and nothing more. We love.
And, as a consequence, we suffer the death and loss
of people who made our lives so happy. Lost, knowing
little of what those words meant, I found my way back.
Not in a day, not in a week, not a month, nor a
year.....through the marriage of hope and love did I
find my way. My peace.

And, so I ask you God, to hear that pain of love which
so many here are suffering, and I ask you to teach us
how to hold onto that love. We cannot survive without
love. Angel, what can I do? Make a suncather she said
to me. Make a suncatcher. I'll be your friend.
I'll follow you to the end. And so, I did. I made
one with glass beads and as I picked up each bead, I
made myself remember something wonderful about her.
This bead is her smile. That one is her birthday.
Another holding her first trout. This one for the way
that she held her sister when she was hurt. That one
for the way she looked upon her mom with joy.

This one for the way that she sat upon my shoulders
when we went to the carnival, laughing and feeling
free as only a child can feel.......one more day....

What do you think, Angel? Are my beads good? Do they
pass the test of time and love? Will they last
forever? Are they shatter-proof? And Angel replied,
the beads are good. Your beads are good because they
hold your love. Now, use them to stitch your broken
heart one at a time. Use them to heal yourself and
then when you look up you shall see that she has never
left you.......

never left you because she loved you as you loved her.

She lives in your love. They all live within your
love......and it is in your remembering of them, your
search to rebuild love in your life, that you honor
them and find your path. Sorrow, those who cannot
love again. You must love, you must. Raise your arms
to the sky and say, I shall love again.

Build a suncatcher.......in your heart. There are
many more beads to add to those you have. I know that
it is a risk.....a risk to love......a life you see, a
life is a suncatcher. How we live, how we die and how
we live again.

And always, remember them.....it's ok to cry.....
it's ok to hurt, it's ok to feel lost......but I
encourage you to know George, that all God's children
are dancing in Heaven. Come, tomorrow.

Thank you God. Thank you angels. Hear the names and
the messages of hope and love that I will now share
with you from my family and friends. Take them this
very night to our beloved and let them know.....

we remember them, we love them.

Name Readings here

I love you God. I love you Stacia.
You are remembered.

Love
George